Every Dream Can't Come True

Growing up we are all told of these huge opportunities and how we can do everything. I think I've started to take this too literally and feel is a requirement to do everything. I put an unrealistic amount of pressure on myself to accomplish everything, without priority, to prove every negative person wrong, no matter the cost, and to be successful. I'm finally getting my dose of reality.

I've started having lunch at the park. Normally, I'll just eat in the kitchen at my office, but sometimes I feel too surrounded and need some space to breath. The park has lots of space. I'm starting to discover that my thought need a lot of space to develop. I'm constantly thinking, about everything, but in the rush of life my thoughts never find a conclusion. Apparently I'm much nicer and more fun to be around when I'm not so in my head trying to figure things out.

Back to lunch. So I was sitting at the park in 90 degree weather eating my Wendy's, when I realized I needed to finish my thought process on the things I want out of life. In my need to accomplish everything, I've researched what it would take for every dream I've ever had to come true. Just career wise, I want to be a financial planner (which I am), an air traffic controller, a hedge fund manager, a pilot, a business owner, a ER doctor, a college counselor, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, an Olympic athlete, a cruise line director, and the list goes on for 13 more professions. To just get the education that is required I'd need 15 more years of school. Assuming I make it through that, I also need about 3 years of experience in each area, 66 years. I'd be 104 before I could actually be considered above entry level. Then, if I factor in getting married, having a kid, hobbies, community service, and a small social life. I need there to be 288 hours in a day to meet my goal of being 'successful' by the age of 30.

It did take me a while to accept the fact that this is literally impossible. But I've come to terms with it now. So I'm at a crossroad, what to give up and what to pursue. I'm not really the hoarder type. I really enjoy purging my house and throwing too many things away so I have to continually buy the same thing over and over. However, it is extremely difficult for me to give dreams up, and extremely necessary. All the business articles I read say that if I take on too many things, then I need to prioritize by importance on what I can actually get done.

We really can accomplish anything that we want. I truly believe that. But we just can't accomplish everything. Just like my wish list on iTunes, we have to prioritize the most important and impactful dreams and bite off only twice as much as we can chew (instead of 288 times as much).

Potential for Change

What happens when we stop making a difference? What happens when we are so repetitive we get overlooked by the world? What happens when no one believes in our world changing ideas?

At this crossroad, we will either pick up and find a more stimulating and creative environment or we will settle and watch our potential smother. The former are the Drew Houston, Jack Dorsey,  and Mark Zuckerbergs of our generation. The ones who physically cannot settle for anything less that life changing. The latter are the names we've never heard of, the slow and steady minds who get overlooked for CEO promotions and never get Googled by strangers. Becoming the settler is something that the majority of my generations fears more than being alone but not quite as much as the fear of failure.

I believe we all start out somewhere between the two extremes. And within the first two years of our career we will either choose ambition and take on the chance of failure, we will remain constant, or we cannot choose. Not choosing is what causes so many quarter life crisis. I'm not blaming everyone who has this disruptions for not picking an extreme, but understand that at the root of a lot of crisis is indecision. Sometimes this is an unavoidable phase because we need that experience in order to harness our actual potential. We need to test the boundaries of our strength, will power, dedication and mental control. This is only a negative if the chance to learn and discover your true self is bypassed.

Good employers have a fear that their new young investments will leave after 2-3 years and have a life of 'job hopping' because they have an issue with commitment. I disagree. We will only leave a good job because it doesn't offer everything we want be way of experience, flexibility, advancement, mentoring, and stimulation. It is not commitment we are scared of, it is being average. I don't want to help others an average amount, or work an average amount, or grow a company at an average pace. I want to put my whole heart into everything I do because whole-hearted people are the ones who get to change the world.

The Secret to Success

I believe that deep down, every person has a desire to be successful. Unfortunately, I keep coming to the realization that not everyone achieves this potential. So for all you success junkies and failure relapsers, I've done a little research and decided to let you in on the secret to success.

1) Be Upright:

Proverbs 2:7 says 'He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk it blameless.' So it is quite obvious that to be successful, we much first be considered 'upright.' Well what does it mean to be upright? It means to 'fear the Lord' (Proverbs 14:2), avoid evil (Proverbs 16:17), and have goodwill/seek reconciliation (Proverbs 14:9).

2) Rejoice:

Psalms 107:42 says 'The upright see and rejoice, but all the wicked shut their mouths.' It's exciting when things go the way you anticipate, when you make accurate decisions and predictions. When the God who created our tiny minds send us some express blessings, a thank you card/pray is definitely appropriate. 

3) Have Advisers:

'Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.' Proverbs 15:22. Maybe it is just me, but this seems pretty straight forward. We are not created to be a one man show. We need those real life angels and devils to sit on our shoulders and help us reason through decisions. Surround yourself with wise people who you know will be honest, and your chances of reaching your potential will dramatically increase. 

4) Avoid Evil:

'The highway of the upright avoids evil; those who guard their ways preserve their lives.' Proverbs 16:17. I understand this is easier said than done. But this is why I'm not writing about a 'get-rich-quick scheme' or a 'success in under 5 minutes' blog. It is a everyday, rain or shine, good hair bad hair continual decision that never stops. Choosing to avoid evil should become a habit, like eating food. We know we will have to eat food for the rest of our lives, so we do it three times a day and understand how to chew. Same recipe applies to fending off the wicked: practice three times a day. 

5) Reconcile:

‘Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright.’ Proverbs 14:9. However badly you want to believe that the television stars who scheme and manipulate people to climb to the top understand success, it isn’t real life. People have to like you if they are going to support you. Don’t even let a favor go unnoticed, miscommunication go unclarified, advise go unthanked, and wisdom go stale.

Endless Gifts

I've been slightly bombarded by the topic of spiritual gifts lately. A couple weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to know the gifts that God had blessed my small group girls with, so I asked them all to take one of those online spiritual gifts tests. I understand that online test aren't a mirror image of God's blessing, but I'm a sucker for quick results. No surprise to me, my top three spiritual gifts were giving, encouragement, and faith. This may sounds a little too obvious, but if you have a gift, you're suppose to give it. The whole meaning of a gift is something that you grant to someone else. Gifts aren't like money, you can't just hoard it and hope that it never changes. If you don't give your gift, it no longer is a gift.

Naturally, I believe that if God called them gifts, its not just because He ran out of words to use and did the 'find a synonym' trick that Microsoft Word kindly incorporated to help vocabulary challenged individuals like myself. So now my challenge is discovering exactly how I plan to give these gifts away. My mindset going into this is that these gifts are unlimited. I've always heard that you can't out-give God, so I have a feeling that this supply that I've tapped into is unending. And if it's not, then I plan on finding that out first hand.

I've also been thinking that it's not really the 'who' do I give to, but the 'how' do I give. I've never met someone who doesn't want a gift (except the homeless man I tried to buy food for and he ran away from me as I chased him with a cheeseburger). My techniques may be a little off base, but my intentions are good. Just brainstorming here, but I have a couple ideas that I may try. For giving, I increased my tithe to the church, I want to give more gifts for no reason, and be more intentional about remembering occasions than  warrant gifts. For faith, I'm still discovering how to give that one, but being more bold and intentional in my conversations regarding the amazing works of God will be my start. Finally, for encouragement, I've thought about writing little notes, avoiding negative conversations, and not running away from people that cry simple because tears make me extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Yes, I am a work in progress, but I do still have gifts that must be given away before they no longer keep their form and turn into nothing useful at all.

Till Death do us Part

I've never been married. And quite frankly, the thought of being married terrified me. I've never been the girl who is just waiting for her Prince Charming to show up in his Maserati and whisk me away to Paris for a long weekend. No, I'm more of the 'I'll get married when I'm 60 and have the potential to be bored with the single life' type of girl. However, I decided to explore the reasoning behind my attitude a little bit. It's not that I don't think I can be happy with one person my entire life, its the fact that my future husband lives in a world that doesn't take marriage as seriously as I do. In 2012, the divorce rate was at 50%. That means that half of the people in the US don't fully understand what marriage means. So I'm going to explain its meaning. Marriage is a covenant (stronger than a promise) with God. It's not the next step in a relationship with the girl next door. It's not something you do to prove you love someone, just buy them flowers if that's what you're going for. And its definitely not temporary. No matter how many government officials, pieces of paper, or excuses you can come up with, once you get married, there is no getting out of it. I don' believe that marriage is about making yourself or another person happy, true joy only comes from God, not other people or circumstances. I believe that I am single because this is the status that I can bring the most glory to God. When God grows me and my future husband enough and knows that together we can bring Him more glory that we can separately, then and only then will I give into marriage. Luckily, God knows my stubbornness and fears so I believe when the time comes, He'll be fully prepared to beat me over the head with His instructions. I can only hope that my marriage will be accompanied with happiness, love, and at least 900 crazy adventures. I know that God's plan will work itself out in me and until that happens, I'll be here just enjoying the perks of being single!

Next post (before I get off my soapbox completely) on Divorce. Here's a preview:

People can justify their reason's for wanting to break this covenant 1,000 different ways, but according to the Bible, there are only 2 situations in which God will grant you a divorce. 1) Immorality: Matthews 19:9 and 2) Abandonment by an unbeliever: 1 Corinthians 7:15.

More Than a Supporting Role

I got the pleasure of going to Florida for a long weekend, and there is something about being close to the Ocean that makes God seem all the more present.

I decided to read the book of Jonah from the Bible and see how this overwhelming presence of God was translated. It's interesting when the actual story line isn't what hits home in a book. It's not always the main characters, but how the supporting actors can change the entire outcome. I never bought into the whole 'there's no small parts, just small actors' craze, but I will admit the idea is growing on me. The Ninavites, sailors and even the worm add so much flavor to Jonah's story. Without the context of others, he would just be an extremist, spastically running around countries waiting for destruction. With the addition of each character, a new understanding of Jonah's true character appears as I got to watch his story unfold. And the most amazing part was to see his interaction with God and how he became a completely changed man when he was following God's plan to a tee.

The thing that really got to me was seeing God's relentless compassion and hope in people. God told Jonah he would destroy this entire city unless they turned from their wickedness. I can compare this to when 9-11 happened. It was like America was Nineveh and we had an imamate threat of danger. Nothing motivates people to find God like the fear of losing their life. All God needed to see was a little change and He became overwhelmingly hopeful for His people. It is hard for me to imagine not only forgiving someone who has been slandering me, back stabbing me, and totally discounting my worth as a human being but also deciding to love and cherish that person as if they were going to be my best friend or family member. God is truly amazing and it blows me away every time I read about his unconditional compassion and forgiveness and hope in people.

Compare to Equalize

Its interesting to me how people are always looking for a way to get rich quick that doesn't involve a lot of effort. It's not the fact people want money that puzzles me, I can understand the desire to live in riches. It's the idea that people are so incredibly lazy and would rather be given a hand out than roll up their sleeves and get a little dirt on their hands. I know most people will blame the media for putting the idea of luxury in our minds, or the government who tends to blame the wealthy, but I think it really is just how our society works. We live in a world of comparisons. It's a constant battle of who is better than who, the richest, the most connected, the most well known. And now thanks to cell phones, twitter and Zuckerberg, we've been forced live in the competition with no escape. I can't simply hide in my house and escape the constant battle to out-do every other human that I encounter. I'm bombarded with alerts from endless facets on how many people are one-upping me. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud of our success and how well people have progressed, my thought is more on the lines of the continual, relentless nature of the competition between people. I think sometimes we forget that we are all created equal. That no matter how good the world measures you, it will never out you ahead of someone else because we are not judged on works, but simple on the acceptance of forgiveness. Unfortunately, I'm not perfect and cannot say that this reminder alone allows me to never reflect on my short coming, but it does serve as a kind of release from constant comparison. I don't have the solution to societies problems, but I do hear that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.